GM enhanced conkers - the new superweapon?
Today Dick and I introduced KC to the game of conkers. It was all going so well. I managed to find a good sized screw to make holes in them, then found some string I never knew we had. Everything was set for the magical experience of a game of conkers to take place. Except for one thing...
Conkers in Liverpool are not normal conkers. They do not break under (almost) any circumstance. For well over 30 minutes Dick and KC fought a savage conker battle, and at the end of it neither had managed to emerge victorious. There were many excellent hits, each of them had their conker fall to the floor several times from the force of hits being meted out and yet the conkers remained intact. There are 3 possible explanations for this:
1) Dick and I have become much much weaker than we were at the age of 11 when we last played conkers, and hence are unable to land a killer blow (after 30 minutes I subbed in for Dick).
2) We are all incredibly bad conker players, and any assault on the world championship is destined to remain a mere dream.
3) (And by far my favourite) We encountered a rogue bunch of GM enchanced SUPER CONKERS!!!!! These are no ordinary conkers, they have been developed by the military in a top secret research project. They are intended to be an organic form of body armour, able to repel almost any projectile. Their presence in Liverpool remains somewhat of a mystery, but it is quite possible that in the post Cold-War era the military have decided to test these conkers out in a civilian environment, using an age-old game played by millions across the country.
In other news, I have decided that falling asleep with my music on is a bad idea (sorry Danny!), Britney M Lenhoff is composing a poem based on the theme of river pollution, a British accent will always carry an argument, and that in the wake of Hurricane Katrina George W Bush has added God to the Axis of Evil, along with Iran, Syria, and France.
posted by Andy @ 8:27 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
you forgot the 4th, by far most likely possibility... they weren't conkers at all but imported buckeyes
Hey Andy! Its hard to imagine a conker match going over 30 minutes. Have you had any injuries yet (ie hand bruises, broken bones, conker fragments lodge in eyes)? Just wondered. I must say it does lead one to question the consistency of the Liverpool conker. Although, I question KC's 4th possible explaination for this...just how strong are these imported buckeyes she speaks of? Hmmm. Anyway, I'm glad you started a blog...I am looking foward to staying informed on your 1984 ways.
Ha... I like the GM modified super-conker idea myself. Though forget the cold war.. Its all part of New Labour's defence policy. Ha.
Black Adder and conkers - splendid evening mr moll.
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Oh and Ash... My hand wragged(ie hurt) by the end of the battle. Look at it this way... All the energy from the conker keeps going and hits your hand. Painful..
Ahhh...Rich, why is Andy calling you Dick? I am assuming you are who is is referring to?
I'm afraid Ash that for a number of years I became known as Dick. This was done to take the mick but i adopted the name as my own to remove the fun for everyone else. Haha!
Fortunately the name now appears on the way out as I tell everyone I am Rich. Ah...
Hey hey
I don't think there's any chance they were buckeyes, though the possibility of a buckeye vs conker match is very appealing.
Ash, the only injury i sustained was to my pride, and those imported buckeyes would soon be put in their place by the super conker.
Am i still allowed to call dick dick i wonder?
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